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Wednesday Jul 25, 2018
Wednesday Jul 25, 2018
Perfectionism
Today’s podcast is about the evils of perfectionism! Ok maybe trying to be perfect is not evil but when I used to struggle with this habit it made me perfectly miserable about 100% of the time. Perfectionism causes us to miss the good in our lives, focus on what we didn’t do perfectly which is almost everything because, news flash, NO ONE is perfect. Setting an impossible standard to meet sets us up for failure, and feeling terrible about ourselves. It also often blocks us from risking and trying new things.
Participation
So instead, I am advocating to shift your intention and focus to full participation. To throw yourselves into your lives fully giving it your all. Trying your best, being yourself and letting the chips fall where they may. You will enjoy life so much more and maybe even learn to feel proud of yourself for “failing” because you were willing to risk and to try your best. Be your best, give your best and let that be enough. And, if anyone in your life demands perfection, send them packing…or at least tell them you are no longer a slave to the idol of perfectionism.
For more information check out this great article from the BBC network
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20180219-toxic-perfectionism-is-on-the-rise
Friday Jun 29, 2018
Friday Jun 29, 2018
Do you remember the old See Saw’s or Tetter Totter’s from childhood playground days? Well if you are under 35 you may not even know what they are. They used to be a fixture on school playgrounds. Today’s podcast uses the analogy of a See Saw in relationship to the states of Love and Anxiety. Love and Anxiety are likened to riding a See Saw. We are either in one state or the other.
Moving from Love to Anxiety and VV.
But we also talk about how these states can work together or against each other. If we can move towards Love when we are feeling anxiety, the See Saw tips back into Love and Safety. But when we feel a bit of Anxiety, this can cause worry, or obsessing etc., about what we fear. When this occurs we lose our connection to Love and safety and the See Saw flips back to anxiety and that is all we experience.
Fear vs. Desire
When we fear something more than we desire it, we will move away and not pursue it. But if we desire something more than we fear it, we will move towards it. It is very hard to fight off fear, especially the fear of a new opportunity, relationships, etc. So an easier way to shift from Anxiety back into Love/Desire is to work on increasing our Desire for this new thing. Meditating on what it will feel like when we get it and believing that our efforts are worth the risk. Love & Desire are strong motivators, but fear “screams loudly” so we tend to focus on that. Its easier to increase the love and desire than to fight fear..
To close the podcast I use a personal example from my own life to explain this See Saw and the balancing act of moving from Fear to Love/Desire.
This man knows a lot about risking and desiring, check out his website or books.
Thursday Jun 28, 2018
Thursday Jun 28, 2018
Today’s podcast is about the States of Fixity and Flow. Fixity and Flow in life and in our bodies, and how they engage in life. These states are highly correlated with feelings and sensations of Love and Anxiety. This podcast will explore these states as well as define the meaings of the terms fixity and flow.
Body States/ANS
Many of us are familiar with the term flow in relation to creativity. But I will be using these terms in relation to the states of our body. Specifically, the way our physiology (the Autonomic Nervous System) moves and changes in response to our life circumstances. We will talk about attitudes and how our attitudes about our circumstances impacts whether we stay in flow or get caught in fixity. How we view each situation has everything to do with our response. Our attitude helps to determines if our body goes into a closed negative place or an open, curious, responsive place.
So tune in to today’s podcast about Fixity and Flow and find out what your habitual option tends to be.
For more information about body states and how our attitudes impact our physiology, check out these websites.
Tuesday Jun 12, 2018
Tuesday Jun 12, 2018
What is the nature of the Universe?
Einstein said, “The most important question a person can ask is, Is the Universe a Friendly place?” Using the material from our last podcast, we will talk about how Love, Anxiety, and Spirituality interact. How does the early treatment you receive from your primary caretakers impact your view of the world?
Spirituality
For the podcast today I define Spirituality as a sense of engaging with something/someone larger than ourselves, and something that gives life purpose and brings meaning. Our worldview, the lenses through which we view life, tends to be a part of our sense of our Spirituality.
Sensations
In this podcast we will discuss how our sensations of Love and sensations of Anxiety impact our Spirituality. Especially in terms of how we view the world and how we believe it works. Is the main force that undergirds the universe Love, or is it danger and chaos? Our early lessons that we receive about Love and nurture, or the lack of those, deeply impact our ability to determine how to connect and live in the world. In addition, these early lessons set what we believe to be our place in the world.
So enjoy the podcast. For more information on this topic, you can go to this link and read a this blog. It begins with a poem from Rumi. http://wandabrothers.com/2017/03/25/blog-50-what-a-13th-century-poet-knew-about-love-anxiety-2/
Wednesday Jun 06, 2018
Wednesday Jun 06, 2018
Attachment Theory
How do our first experiences of nurture and family encounters shape the way we view Love as adults? How do we understand relationships and our place within them? Attachment theory, around since the 1940’s brings us answers to these questions.
Love templates
The human mind learns in templates. We cannot remember every experience or every object we encounter. So our brain makes a template when we are young to help us put events and objects in proper categories. This includes the way we learn about Love and how the “other” will treat us. The primary caretaker’s behavior becomes our template for love and nurture. They are also our template for the “other.” So our view of love will depend on how we are most often treated.
Changing Attachment Templates
Today we talk about how love templates and how to move from Insecure attachment to Secure attachment. Using the wonderful plasticity of the human brain, we are able to change the first templates of our early relational experiences to more positive ones.
3 Tiered Model of Change.
To make this complex interaction a bit easier to understand, I share a analogy of a 3 tiered model of learning. This model is how we gain the early knowledge. But also can be used in order to generate behavioral change as adults. The tiers include LESSONS, LENSES, and LIFESTYLE.
For more information on Attachment and Attachment Theory go to https://stantatkin.com
As well as www.dianepooleheller.com
Friday Jun 01, 2018
Friday Jun 01, 2018
How does your facial expression impact feelings of love or anxiety? What is Flat Affect and how does it impact your relationships? We will answer these questions in today’s podcast.
When we feel an emotion, it is normal to show that emotion on our face. And, showing that emotion allows those around us to intuit via Mirror Neurons our mood. As well as how we feel about them. This emotional exchange deepens relationships and increases our intimacy. The face has many muscles and it is suggested there are 21 facial expressions. This mobility allows for many emotions to be transmitted.
However, some people do not show much expression on their faces. Or their face has a flat, or wooden look. This is what is called “Flat affect”. For many, early attachment deficits can be the originating cause of Flat affect. But whatever the cause, the impact on relationships is significant. If we cannot “read” someone’s face, we do not know for sure how they are feeling about us. Or, what they may want from the current encounter.
Today we will also talk about Flat affect and it’s impact on human relationships. Check out your face in a mirror as you feel an emotion. Do you show your emotions on your face?
Tune in for, “If you are happy, tell your face!
For more information on Mirror Neurons go to Harvard’s Shawn Achor’s video on this topic.
Wednesday May 30, 2018
Wednesday May 30, 2018
Today in our podcast we will continue sharing how Love and Anxiety can war for dominance in our body and brain. One day I came across a family walking at the beach and overheard the 2 younger boys frantically whispering about Stranger Danger. This made me curious about how we determine whether a new person, a stranger, is safe or dangerous? How do we know if they will become a wonderful addition to our life> Or, if they are scary and dangerous and should be avoided?
Once again we need to understand the brain and how the various regions work together. Today we will talk more about the Reptilian brain and Identity as well as the Limbic system and attachment wiring. Enjoy the podcast.
For more information on attachment and brain wiring of safety or danger go towww.dianepooleheller.com
Tuesday May 22, 2018
Tuesday May 22, 2018
So how do Love & Anxiety counteract each other? What allows love to win over anxiety? It helps to understand the way the Brain works to answer that question. So today we will talk more about Paul D. MacLean’s model of the Triune brain. By explaining what the differing parts of the brain do, I will show how they interrelate in ways that can cause Love and Anxiety to wrestle for domination in our lives.
The brain of course has many more than 3 parts but these are the main 3 areas that are most often connected to safety, danger, and how the human brain developed.
These 3 areas are, the Reptilian Brain/Brain stem, the Mammalian Brain/Limbic system, and the Neocortex. One of the primary responsibilities of the Brain stem region is to help us avoid danger. Listen to today’s podcast to learn how this danger signal impacts Love and Anxiety.
For a fun video to learn more about the various areas of our wonderful, complex Brain, watch this short video on Youtube.